Picture this: You are sitting at your desk, sipping a lukewarm coffee, when an email notification pings. Subject line: "We need to talk." Sent by: Your Boss.
Suddenly, your heart is pounding, your palms are sweating (knees weak, mom's spaghetti), and you have the distinct urge to either throw your laptop out the window or hide under the desk. Don't worry, you aren't alone. As I face this currently blank document, I feel a similar urge.
Why? We aren't being chased by a sabre-toothed tiger. We aren't in a gladiator arena ("Are you not entertained!") - I'm in an office chair.
But my brain doesn’t know that.
Welcome to the world of Trauma Responses. At VMA Psych, we often see clients who feel like they are "losing it" or "overreacting" to daily stressors. The truth is, you aren't losing it—your body is trying to save you from the overwhelming amount of perceived threats in modern living. But it is outdated software, and we could all use a bit of an update.
In this article, we’re going to explore the biology of the Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn responses, why your brain hijacks your behaviour, and how to retrain your nervous system so that the email is, in fact, just an email.
The Brain Science: The CEO vs. The Smoke Detector
To understand why we react the way we do, we have to look at the brain’s hierarchy.
1. The Prefrontal Cortex (The CEO): This is the logical, rational part of your brain. It handles taxes, meal planning, and remembering to say "please." It’s slow, thoughtful, and articulate.
2. The Amygdala (The Smoke Detector): This is the primal, emotional center. Its only job is survival. It doesn’t care about your taxes; it cares about not getting eaten.
When the Amygdala senses a threat (real or perceived), it pulls the fire alarm. It bypasses the CEO completely and floods your body with cortisol and adrenaline. This is what psychotherapists refer to as an "Amygdala Hijack."
When the alarm rings, your body enters a state of dysregulation and picks one of the 4 survival modes from its menu.
The 4 Fs of Trauma Response: Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Fawn
Most people know "Fight or Flight," but trauma research—particularly dealing with Complex PTSD (C-PTSD)—identifies four distinct responses. You likely have a "dominant" type based on your childhood and past experiences.
1. Fight: The Aggressive Response
The Fight response is activated when the brain’s threat-detection system (primarily the amygdala) determines that survival depends on confronting or overpowering the perceived danger. This response is driven by sympathetic nervous system activation and a surge of stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol.
What it looks like biologically: Jaw clenching, muscle tension, increased heart rate, hot or flushed skin, bursts of energy, and urges toward confrontation or physical action.
What it looks like in modern life: Argumentative or domineering behaviour, irritability, road rage, slamming doors, micromanaging others, or rigid perfectionism as a way to maintain control.
Common misconception: The Fight response is not limited to physical aggression. Any rapid shift into “I need to control or dominate this situation to feel safe” reflects a Fight-based survival strategy.
2. Flight: The Avoidance Response
The Flight response is activated when the nervous system perceives that safety lies in escape, whether physical or psychological. Like Fight, it is governed by the sympathetic nervous system, but instead of confrontation, the goal is distance.
What it looks like biologically: Restlessness, shallow or rapid breathing, muscle tension in the legs, heightened alertness, racing thoughts, and anxiety.
What it looks like in modern life: Avoiding difficult conversations, overworking to escape emotional discomfort, excessive planning or rumination, panic attacks, or physically leaving situations that feel emotionally charged.
Common misconception: Flight isn’t always obvious. Prolonged “doom scrolling,” compulsive distraction, or staying constantly busy can be forms of mental escape—ways the nervous system avoids perceived threat without physically running.
3. Freeze: The Shutdown Response
When Fight is ineffective, and Flight is unavailable, the nervous system may enter Freeze, a protective shutdown response designed to conserve energy and reduce pain. This state is associated with dorsal vagal activation within Polyvagal Theory.
What it looks like biologically: Reduced heart rate, low energy, heavy or immobile sensations in the body, slowed cognition, and dissociation (a sense of disconnection from the body or environment).
What it looks like in modern life: Zoning out, chronic procrastination, feeling “stuck,” emotional numbness, difficulty making decisions, or extended periods of disengagement, such as binge-watching or withdrawing socially.
Common misconception: Freeze is often misinterpreted as laziness or lack of motivation. In reality, the nervous system has applied an emergency brake, prioritizing survival over action.
4. Fawn: The People-Pleasing Response
The Fawn response is a relational survival strategy, often developing in childhood environments where safety depended on placating, pleasing, or anticipating the needs of others—particularly caregivers who were unpredictable or emotionally volatile.
What it looks like biologically: Heightened sensitivity to social cues, suppression of anger, tension in the face or throat, and nervous system activation that prioritizes connection over self-protection.
What it looks like in modern life: Chronic people-pleasing, over-apologizing, difficulty setting boundaries, fear of disappointing others, identity flattening, and patterns of codependency.
Common misconception: Fawning can appear as kindness or agreeableness. While empathy is involved, fawning is not choice-based generosity—it is submission as a survival strategy, driven by fear rather than values.
Why Can’t I Just "Calm Down"?
If you’ve ever told someone having a panic attack to “just relax,” you’ve probably seen firsthand that it doesn’t work.
That’s because panic isn’t a thinking problem—it’s a nervous system response.
Note for Panic Attacks: Instead of talking someone through it, offer a strong sensory anchor—such as a piece of ice to hold or a sour candy to place in their mouth. Intense sensory input can interrupt the panic cycle by activating the body’s orienting response, helping the person reconnect with their physical environment.
From a neurological perspective, this makes sense. Research shows that during acute stress or trauma responses, activity in Broca’s area—the region of the brain responsible for speech and language—significantly decreases. When this happens, logical reasoning and verbal processing are limited. In other words, you cannot “talk yourself out” of a trauma response because the brain systems required for rational thought are partially offline.
This is why cognitive reassurance alone often fails in moments of panic.
The reality is simple but powerful: you can’t think your way out of a feeling—you have to feel your way through it.
The Impact of Chronic Trauma Responses
When the nervous system remains stuck in survival mode—whether due to chronic stress, developmental trauma, or PTSD—it places significant strain on both the body and mind. These responses are meant to be short-term. When they become long-term, the cost is cumulative.
Physical impact: Chronic activation of the stress response disrupts immune, digestive, and pain-regulation systems. Prolonged elevations in cortisol and adrenaline are associated with autoimmune conditions, gastrointestinal disorders (including IBS), migraines, fatigue, and chronic pain. The body begins to function as if danger is always imminent—diverting resources away from rest, repair, and digestion.
Mental and emotional impact: Ongoing nervous system dysregulation is strongly linked to anxiety disorders, depression, emotional exhaustion, and burnout. Over time, the brain becomes more threat-sensitive, meaning smaller stressors can trigger disproportionately intense reactions. This is not a character flaw—it is neuroplasticity working in survival mode.
Relational impact: Trauma responses don’t stay contained within the individual. They shape how we attach to, communicate with, and interpret others’ intentions. Chronic Fight responses may show up as reactivity or conflict escalation; Flight as emotional avoidance or workaholism; Freeze as withdrawal or shutdown; and Fawn as people-pleasing at the expense of self. Trust, intimacy, and emotional safety become difficult to sustain.
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So, How Do We Heal? (Hacking the System)
The goal of trauma-informed therapy is not to eliminate survival responses—we need them in moments of real danger. The goal is regulation: helping the nervous system accurately distinguish between threat and safety, and respond with flexibility rather than reflex.
1. Bottom-Up Processing
Because higher-level reasoning often goes offline during stress responses, effective regulation must start with the body. This is known as bottom-up processing, a cornerstone of trauma-informed care and somatic therapies.
For Fight / Flight (Sympathetic activation): The body is mobilized and full of energy. Regulation requires completion of that activation.
Push against a wall or heavy surface
Exercise or shake out your limbs
Engage in short bursts of movement (e.g., running in place, wall sits)
These actions help discharge excess adrenaline and signal to the brain that the threat has passed.
For Freeze (Dorsal vagal shutdown): The nervous system needs gentle, non-overwhelming stimulation to re-enter a state of connection.
Wrap yourself in a weighted or heavy blanket
Sway side to side or rock gently
Use cool water on the face or hold something cold (activates the Mammalian Dive Reflex, which can slow heart rate and support regulation)
For Fawn (Appeasement response): Safety has been learned through self-abandonment, so healing involves reclaiming boundaries.
Practice small, low-stakes “no’s” (e.g., preferences, scheduling)
Notice bodily cues when you override your needs
Work with a therapist to separate safety from compliance
2. Identify Your Triggers
Trauma responses feel automatic because they are—but they are also patterned.
Tracking your triggers helps move the response from unconscious reaction to conscious awareness. Loud noises, conflict, perceived rejection, or unpredictability may activate different survival responses. Recognizing that you are not the response, your nervous system is responding to a learned cue. This process is sometimes referred to as “un-blending.”
Awareness doesn’t stop the response immediately, but it creates choice over time. Remember, your triggers are yours to deal with - not someone else's responsibility.
3. Self-Compassion
One of the most overlooked aspects of healing is self-compassion. Shame and self-criticism actually intensify threat responses by signalling danger internally.
Your nervous system is adapted for survival based on what it learned in the past. These responses are not weaknesses—they are evidence of resilience. Healing begins by acknowledging that effort, thanking your body for trying to protect you, and gently introducing safer, more adaptive pathways.
Regulation isn't about forcing calm. It’s about building safety, slowly and consistently, until your system no longer has to scream to be heard.
Book Recommendation
Unbroken: The Trauma Response Is Never Wrong by MaryCatherine McDonald offers a compassionate, science-informed perspective on trauma, reframing common survival responses not as flaws, but as intelligent adaptations to overwhelming experiences. It’s an empowering read for anyone seeking to better understand their trauma responses and begin reclaiming a sense of agency and wholeness.
How VMA Psych Can Help
Understanding your trauma response is powerful, but rewriting the neural pathways often requires a guide.
At VMA Psych, we don’t just talk about your problems; we look at the physiology behind them. Whether you are stuck in Freeze and can’t move forward in your career, or stuck in Fawn and losing yourself in relationships, we can help.
We utilize trauma-informed modalities (like Somatic approaches, CBT, and more) to help you move from reacting to responding.
Ready to tell your Amygdala to take a break?
Let’s turn that alarm off together.
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